"Crying Fool"

I'm a fool, God, let's just face it, I'm on my face again,

crying out to you, Lord, for You're my only friend.

I'd rather run than face the facts, I need your help this time,

I need you to turn to me and say that "this one is mine".

I'm trapped within this mind inside of me,

this mind that won't let go of fear and anxiety.

This mind that repeats the bad, and leaves out the good.

and when I try to think on right, I don't think what I should.

Why am I so afraid of relying fully on thee?

Why am I so wrapped up in protecting me?

Didn't I promise I'd follow You alone?

Didn't I swear You're my one and only home?

Then why am I struggling to leave this place?

Struggling to say goodbye and face...

the next step that you have for me.

Change my heart God, for I am weak,

cut the ties I have to this world.

My dependence on anything you don't want,

I just want to be your girl!

I'm tired. I'm confused. I'm broken. I'm afraid.

Why Lord? Why? Why do I feel this way?

Why is my heart breaking? When you've been there all along?

Why am I so afraid of losing everything? Why am I not strong?

Why am I so sad? And feeling so let down?

Why am I so angry? When your love is all around?

It's time for me to be honest. I'll finally come clean:

I'm going to miss this stage of life, and the friends you've given me.

I'm scared of growing up alone. I want somebody to hold my hand.

I'd rather have a person with me, when visiting foreign land.

I'm scared of losing everything: my home, my friends, my joy.

I'm shivering in my boots, wondering, wishing, hoping....

If only I had just one person, here on this earth for all my years,

to share my life with, to share the laughter and the tears,

to hold me when I'm scared and help me find a home,

when I'm out in the world and feeling so alone.

God, it's hard to say goodbye, to friends I know and love.

To start brand new and depend on You and look to things above.

Help my heart to delight in You, and fill my longing Lord.

Help me to know and discern what you've placed me here for.

Once again I realize, and once again I see,

That you're the giver of Life, and You're the one I need!

God I'm crying out, I'm empty, alone, and scared,

I'm feeling so lost and so very unprepared.

Rid me of this selfishness and pride,

teach me, Father, lead me, be my guide.

I need you now to save me from myself and make me more like you!

Give me wisdom to discern what you want for me to do!

(copyright Evelyn Worthington)
(written 1/6/2009)