"Conversation with God"

God, you never cease to amaze me, and what a God you are!
With your perfect hand you put in place each and every star!
Yet you care. How can it be? That you, my God, would care for me!
I don't deserve your love, your time, your anything...
But you give it all willingly, that is why I gave you my life,
It's not much God, but it's in your hands, no longer is it mine!
Following you is an adventure! I'm following your perfect will.
And as I do, you show me wonders anew, and I continue even still.
How great is your faithfulness oh God, even when I turn.
You love me and care for me patiently and help for me to learn.
Without you I am nothing, lost, afraid, and all alone,
But, Daddy, with you, I have a father, a shelter, and a home.
You gave me life when I was dead, you brought me from the grave.
And in my life and in my heart I can't find a reason for what you gave!
You paid the price for all my sin. How can it be true?
That you would love me so tenderly, as I have not loved you?
I was far from you when you paid the price; I was not right with you.
But you loved me and waited patiently to see what I would choose.
God, I get so frustrated with my impatient heart!
I get so scared and I don't trust you like I should have from the start!
I'm your child and I don't understand, in my simple child's mind.
Why you would patiently pick me up when I've fallen down in life.
I follow your plan with hesitation, I don't trust you fully like you deserve.
You take my hand and lead me, though my heart is so unsure.
"Why do I fear?" I want to scream. Why don't I trust with all my heart?
You're the potter, God, but can't you see? I'm ruining your art!
I'm not wise, as I once believed; I'm a lost and foolish sheep.
I get so anxious, so confused, that sometimes I lose sleep.
I ask you once again, my Lord, "Why did you choose me?"
"Can't you see I'm broken God?" "Won't you tell me what you see?"
"I'm not finished with you my child." You whisper tenderly.
"I know your fears and troubles, let them go, give them to me."
"Yes, you are my artwork, made in my image, but I'm not done."
"I'm forming you more each and every day into the image of my Son!"
"Just close your eyes and hold my hand, I will lead you every step of the way."
"There's no need to worry or fear, for by your side I'll stay."
(written December 20, 2009 2:00am)
(copyright Evelyn Worthington)

"How Hard it is to Trust Again"

How hard it is to trust again,
When your dreams are crushed and your heart is broken.
How hard it is to allow the chance,
the glimmer of hope to enter again...
When you're guarded too tightly to let anything in.
With all of your doubt, and all of your fear, and your protecting wall;
How hard it is to tear down it all.
To open yourself up to where the soft-tissue is,
and more than that, your heart,
the part of you that feels the pain.
How hard it is to expose it again.
How comfortable your walls had been,
and how naked you feel without them.
How you long for protective arms,
the ones you used to trust,
to craddle you close without a fear,
Oh how you wish you had them near!
But everyone tells you to stop all the fuss
and find confidence in yourself.
You try to please the crowds,
while wondering how this would help.
You put on a mask to hide within,
How hard, even now, to trust again!
Don't let a soul see fear in your eyes!
You'll be confident and cool in your brand-new disguise!
How hard it is to trust again,
Though everyone but you is convinced that you can.
Daddy pulls you in His arms, removes your mask, and calms your heart.
"How hard it was to trust, my child" He whispers tenderly.
"But Daddy's got you now, and He's never going to leave."
"I'll be your shelter from the storm, I'll help you know the way."
"I'll never leave you nor forsake you,
for in my arms you'll stay."

(Copyright Evelyn Worthington)
(written 12:45 am October 29, 2009)

"Offering Crumbs to be Multiplied"

Lord, I want to give it all,
all of my life to you.
For I get so lost all on my own,
without you to turn to.
I feel my offering's far too small,
I wish I could offer more.
I give my life to you and
wait for what's in store.
I'm such a fool, God,
can't you see?
I'm not worth all of the work.
I get so caught up in me, me, me,
I can be such a jerk.
I'm not worthy of your love,
too vast to comprehend,
but I'm so glad you do love me,
and on you I can depend.
God, I'm all in pieces, crumbs:
an irreversable mess.
Take me into your arms
and work in me your best.
Use me for your glory,
use me for your will.
And when I feel all alone and scared,
I pray you'll use me still.
I LOVE YOU LORD.

(Copyright Evelyn Worthington)
(Written 12:52 am October 27, 2009)

"Waiting for a Godly Man"

Some girls want a hansome man, or a guy who will treat them right,
To take them where they want to go, and say nice things all night.
Some women want a muscle man, who pumps iron and can work.
A man who will take her in his arms, and protect her from the jerks.
Some girls just want any guy who will take them by the hand,
take them out and make them feel special, beautiful, and grand.
Those Christian girls, they're in the habit of waiting for just the right man.
A man who will patiently woo and go to church too, and be a faithful husband.

Now I think all those guys are just fine, I think they work really hard.
But they can have those other girls; there's no place for those guys in my heart.

I'm holding out for a godly man. Are there any still out there?
A man after God's own heart, who waits patiently and with care.
It's easy to find a guy who will say and do what you like.
And it's easy for a man to neglect the heart and work just on the outside.
I'm holding out for a man who want's God's will in his life.
Who's willing to be single, until God tells him otherwise.
A man who's not like all the others, who hunt and trap their prey,
But a man who genuinely loves God's Word, and meditates on it every day.
I'm holding out for the kind of man who will make a sacrifice.
Who will consult God with every descision, and work to become wise.
And then when I come along, he'll be so intune with God,
he'll know that I'm the one, and I won't have to do a lot.

So you won't see me strutting my stuff, or see me with lots of guys.
Because I'm holding onto God's Word, and I'm working to be wise.
I'm willing to be single, even for the rest of my life.
I want God's will and not my own, this is my sacrifice.

(copyright Evelyn Worthington)
(written 5/9/2009)

"Current Heartbreak and Future Joy"

My dear and loving Father, I'm glad you know my pain.
I can't handle this burden on my own, I hate to feel this way!
Lord, I know it's all my fault, I need to guard my heart more.
Why am I so unwise to discern what you have me here for?
God I need more self-control, and patience would help too.
Lord I need more wisdom, to discern what You want me to do.
God I don't know Your will, and the surprizes that await.
But I'm waiting on Your timing, and until then I won't date.
I want to say a prayer for him, that man set aside for me.
I pray you're giving him patience and wisdom to become the man you want him to be.
I pray he'll seek your will alone, and follow You all his days.
May his feet be swift and beautiful and his voice to speak your praise.
Help him to be slow to anger, and always keep You first.
Help him to be self-controlled, and to love what is always good.
Help him to hold firmly to the trustworthy message of Truth.
Help him to cling whole-heartedly to what he was taught from his youth.
And for me I pray for patience, discernment, comfort, and wisdom.
To follow Your will alone and not make decisions that are dumb!!!

(copyright Evelyn Worthington)
(written 04/15/2009)

"Crying Fool"

I'm a fool, God, let's just face it, I'm on my face again,

crying out to you, Lord, for You're my only friend.

I'd rather run than face the facts, I need your help this time,

I need you to turn to me and say that "this one is mine".

I'm trapped within this mind inside of me,

this mind that won't let go of fear and anxiety.

This mind that repeats the bad, and leaves out the good.

and when I try to think on right, I don't think what I should.

Why am I so afraid of relying fully on thee?

Why am I so wrapped up in protecting me?

Didn't I promise I'd follow You alone?

Didn't I swear You're my one and only home?

Then why am I struggling to leave this place?

Struggling to say goodbye and face...

the next step that you have for me.

Change my heart God, for I am weak,

cut the ties I have to this world.

My dependence on anything you don't want,

I just want to be your girl!

I'm tired. I'm confused. I'm broken. I'm afraid.

Why Lord? Why? Why do I feel this way?

Why is my heart breaking? When you've been there all along?

Why am I so afraid of losing everything? Why am I not strong?

Why am I so sad? And feeling so let down?

Why am I so angry? When your love is all around?

It's time for me to be honest. I'll finally come clean:

I'm going to miss this stage of life, and the friends you've given me.

I'm scared of growing up alone. I want somebody to hold my hand.

I'd rather have a person with me, when visiting foreign land.

I'm scared of losing everything: my home, my friends, my joy.

I'm shivering in my boots, wondering, wishing, hoping....

If only I had just one person, here on this earth for all my years,

to share my life with, to share the laughter and the tears,

to hold me when I'm scared and help me find a home,

when I'm out in the world and feeling so alone.

God, it's hard to say goodbye, to friends I know and love.

To start brand new and depend on You and look to things above.

Help my heart to delight in You, and fill my longing Lord.

Help me to know and discern what you've placed me here for.

Once again I realize, and once again I see,

That you're the giver of Life, and You're the one I need!

God I'm crying out, I'm empty, alone, and scared,

I'm feeling so lost and so very unprepared.

Rid me of this selfishness and pride,

teach me, Father, lead me, be my guide.

I need you now to save me from myself and make me more like you!

Give me wisdom to discern what you want for me to do!

(copyright Evelyn Worthington)
(written 1/6/2009)

"All I Need to Know"

God I don't know anything... Life is so weird.

I'm just glad I'm not all by myself... I'm glad to know You're here.

Somedays, I swear I knew who I was and where I was going,

but lately, Lord, I don't know and my dependence on You is showing.

Is that so bad? I beg to differ, I'm glad I'm not too grown up to see:

You're the One who knows everything, You're the One I need.

Daddy, I get so lost, not knowing who I am or where to go.

And I realize that I'm Yours, and right now that's all I need to know.

(copyright Evelyn Worthington)
(written 12/30/2008)